Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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