You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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