I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
