I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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