Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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