Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
