If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
