pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize