All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
