My friends, they love my intelligence
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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