I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize