just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
