Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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