Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
