She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
