hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
