i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
