So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
