I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
