Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
