You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
