Will you blow on my dice?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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