I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
