needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
