I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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