your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
