fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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