so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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