Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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