one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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