I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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