i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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