Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
