Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
