I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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