I'm going to jail i love you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
