My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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