just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
