cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
