3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Soap is not a condiment
i would punch a child for taco bell
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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