at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there was a trapeze. enough said
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
