wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
