forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
