I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
