Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
