sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wear drunk well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
