my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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