I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
