I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
