there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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