I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
