You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
