she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
