is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
