i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
