rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
