i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
