Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
