Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
