Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
