i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
