halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
