i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
