I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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