So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
