We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize