Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
