After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
