just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
