I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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