Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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