We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
