4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
