i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
