Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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